Mr. Horatio Nibbles.

On one fine Thursday morning I received a text message from a stranger. Now the obvious thing to do is carry on a 7-hour text conversation right? Here is how it went...

Stranger: That's when I said "The cat stalks slowly," needless to say, I won the debate. Now I am up for an award and a meeting with Oliver Cutlery!

Me: Bravo! Bravo! That's amazing :D

Stranger: Thank you, I know I know, I am quit amazing. And you-you-you're nothing but a horse-man! A bloody centaur! I told you the outside world would never accept you, I mean you're half horse!

Me: How dare you stoop so low you dirt eating rat!!

Stranger: Hey! Hey! I may be a rat but I'm making it in life. You just sit around out in the woods all day picking flowers and brushing your hair. I'm an eloquent rodent, at least I'm not a half breed!

Me: Woah woah woah! I am a prize to be won! There are many stinky rodents running around these trees, but only a few gorgeous wonderful centaur such as myself. So watch your mouth! FYI I have amazing hair thank you very much.

Stranger: True true, nice hair. Too bad about the small brain; that's why the centaurs are all gone. I mean, you sleep outside, that's why you're average life expectancy is 28; you all die of pneumonia because you sleep in the grass...in the rain!

Me: It's called being one with nature. And we die young yes, but at least we look smoking hot when we go. You rodents look like a dried up prune that got rolled in some fur.

Stranger: But I'm dead so who cares. When I die I already told my son he could eat me. That's efficiency! No funeral cost, free dinner; better than rotting alone in the woods.

Me: Efficient and gross! Sheesh I knew you guys were abhorrent but cannibals as well? At family get togethers do you all discuss how uncle Earl tasted? I am appalled.

Stranger: Uncle Earl had a sweet yet nutty flavor with a hint of licorice, a true delicacy. Anyway at least I have a family! Your father left your mother, and your mother died at 22!

Me: How do you know about my family?? And those are rumors, my father loved my mother and me very much! He had to leave to fight in the battle. My mother couldn't handle the pain of his absence to the point where living was unbearable. She took her own life...a selfish move on her part. I've had to fend for myself since I was eight! And your filthy rat heritage is none to be proud of. Cowering away from the battles that lie ahead! You are a disgrace.

Stranger: You just made up a whimsical story to romanticize your miserable life, and haven't you ever seen the nutcracker? Rat's are warriors!

Me: The nutcracker...really? Only created to boost a rats self esteem. And you say I am the one making up whimsical stories? You little delusional thing.

Stranger: The Nutcracker is a historical epic...it's just been changed a bit through the course of history...you know how that is, people believe your kind is only a myth.

Me: Peoples belief in me is not my problem. Although I must say I am a little hurt at this truth. At least they don't try to kill me with traps and cheese. Or shove me in a sewer.

Stranger: I love the sewer, and I hate people; The vile murderers!

Me: It appears we have something in common: our hate for humans. I must ask you now, who am I speaking to??

Stranger: Mr. Horatio Nibbles! You know me! Don't be daft sir, don't be daft!

Me: Sir...are you certain I am a sir? I am afraid you are mistaken. Tell me, Mr. Horatio, how did we meet?

Stranger: The day I found you in your grove. You shared a dandelion with me. Surely you remember?

Me: I'm afraid I can't remember anything after the day I came home from battle. I was hit in the head and lost most of my memory.

Stranger: You were never in war! You're a hippy centaur! You and your stories. I think you've blown your mind on mushrooms.

Me: Hey! That is not true, I was in war, I am freaking built for war! Have you seen this body!? It belongs on a battlefield!

Stranger: Oh please, sure you have a six pack, but you have a bird chest and twig arms, and your horse part is fat and out of shape.

Me: You know way to much about my life and appearance...are you a stalking rat!?

Stranger: We hang out all the time! I'm telling you: lay off the mushrooms!

Me: Are you a spy!? Are you watching me now!! I demand proof that we are friends!

Stranger: The dandelion, your birthday is May 10, you wash your hair with the dew off of pure white lilies, come on, it's the Nibster!

Me: Nibster? First off I would never associate myself with a rat, let alone a rat who calls himself Nibster. I am sorry I can't believe this. And I am severely frightened that you know how I wash my hair...

Stranger: Come on man, we're buds; you and I- buds: you, I (myself) sorry, I wanted to se some punctuation back there, I got carried away?!@#12

Me: Oh my that was a confusing sentence O_O

Stranger: Yes, I am starting to fall out of character...this is not good!

Me: This is not very good at all!! But really who is this? I think this is the most fantastic text convo ever!

Stranger: It's Billy from the park!

Me: I really don't know any Billy from the park? Who do you think you are talking to??

Stranger: Oliver Olive...the guy who read Walden in te rich voice.

Me: Whaaa?? I am not Oliver.

Stranger: Whaaa??? Oh nooooo! I don't know you! Stranger danger!

Me: Bahahaha!

*Tells me about Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass*

Stranger: So go and read, and I will leave you alone. Ta ta, cheerio, and all that rubbish.

Me: Goodbye for now.

-Morgan Rae & Stranger